Archive for May, 2009

For guys: dealing with performance anxiety and coming quickly

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Here is a copy of a post I made on a forum to help a guy who felt bad about coming quickly with his girlfriend. While I’m referring to a heterosexual relationship in the post, it can obviously apply to two (or more?) guys being together too. :P

Being “trigger-happy” can totally suck. You probably feel a lot of performance anxiety too (sorry for the jargon), and that’s understandable:

  • every guy wants to be a decent lover in bed;
  • you want to make your girlfriend feel good;
  • you might be afraid your girlfriend will judge you, which may or may not happen depending on how awesome of a human being she is.

Performance anxiety and coming quickly are two different aspects of the problem, even if right now the anxiety is tied to coming quickly. Yet it’s important to the deal well with both, because dealing with the speed at which you come could end up making worse the performance anxiety you feel. I will eventually say how you can work on having a better control on when you ejaculate, but I want to discuss performance anxiety first, because it’s important to deal with it well – it will poison your sex life otherwise. (more…)

Student runs a lending library of banned books from her school locker

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I just ran across this interesting story on Boing Boing, which comes from a Yahoo! Answers post. This relates to issues peer educators from the Sense Project may sometimes face, as high school administrations are not always open to letting students run activities related to sex education or distribute condoms to other students. Here’s the story.

I go to a private school that is rather strict. Recently, the principal and school teacher council released a (very long) list of books we’re not allowed to read. I was absolutely appalled, because a large number of the books were classics and others that are my favorites. One of my personal favorites, The Catcher in the Rye, was on the list, so I decided to bring it to school to see if I would really get in trouble. Well… I did but not too much. Then (surprise!) a boy in my English class asked if he could borrow the book, because he heard it was very good AND it was banned! This happened a lot and my locker got to overflowing with the banned books, so I decided to put the unoccupied locker next to me to a good use. I now have 62 books in that locker, about half of what was on the list. I took care only to bring the books with literary quality. Some of these books are:

>The Perks of Being a Wallflower
>His Dark Materials trilogy
>Sabriel
>The Canterbury Tales
>Candide
>The Divine Comedy
>Paradise Lost
>The Godfather
>Mort
>Interview with the Vampire
>The Hunger Games
>The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
>A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court
>Animal Farm
>The Witches
>Shade’s Children
>The Evolution of Man
> the Holy Qu’ran
… and lots more.

Anyway, I now operate a little mini-library that no one has access to but myself. Practically a real library, because I keep an inventory log and give people due dates and everything. I would be in so much trouble if I got caught, but I think it’s the right thing to do because before I started, almost no kid at school but myself took an active interest in reading! Now not only are all the kids reading the banned books, but go out of their way to read anything they can get their hands on. So I’m doing a good thing, right? Oh, and since you’re probably wondering “Why can’t you just go to a local library and check out the books?” most of the kids are too chicken or their parents won’t let them but the books. I think that people should have open minds. Most of the books were banned because they contained information that opposed Catholisism. I limit my ‘library’ to only the sophmores, juniors and seniors just in case so you can’t say I’m exposing young people to materiel they’re not mature enough for. But is what I’m doing wrong because parents and teachers don’t know about it and might not like it, or is it a good thing because I am starting appreciation of the classics and truly good novels (Not just fad novels like Twilight) in my generation?

“Kid keeping a library of banned books in her locker” on Boing Boing

Original post from the student on Yahoo! Answers

Dessins animés de AIDES

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Il y a quelques années, AIDES, un organisme français de prévention du VIH et du sida, a fait quelques dessins animés absolument géniaux (et très drôles) faisant la promotion du condom. Les voici.

Les vidéos sont modérément explicites et montrent des scènes de sexualité et de nudité frontale, alors ne cliquez pas sur “Play” si ce n’est pas votre genre de truc. :P Il y a un vidéo avec un garçon gai, un avec un garçon hétéro et un avec une fille hétéro (pas de fille lesbienne? dommage…).

Vidéo #1: Sugar Baby Love (garçon gai)

Vidéo #2: Love Stories (garçon hétéro)

Vidéo #3: Baby, Baby (fille hétéro)

Queer

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Here’s a text that I wrote in April for Bandersnatch, an alternative press student newspaper at John Abbott College. It deals with my experience being a queer male in today’s society.

I belong to one of the most hated minority groups on the planet. Yet being queer is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I live every day in the middle of this uncanny contradiction.

I’m male, and I live with a boyfriend whom I love dearly. I have sex with men, and I’ve been fantasizing about it since I was a young teenager – men are yummy! I lead a happy life, and I have a fulfilling job as a community organizer. I write and read a lot, and I spend a healthy amount of time playing all sorts of games, for fun. I also put my life in danger daily, biking through downtown Montreal.

My previous job was being a video game tester in a work environment where the young heterosexual male is the norm. I would always hear people say stuff like “that’s so gay” or calling each other “faggots” – not that they were the real thing, mind you (although you never know). I was pretty open about my sexual orientation there, and people were usually pretty indifferent about it, unless I asked them to be more careful about their language or hinted to the fact that I had a sex life, in conversations where everybody else was already talking about sex. Some people were cool with that. Some others were quick to question my sense of humor, or to ask me to just shut up. One of them even said once that if I have a problem with that, it must be because I have a hard time accepting myself. Nah, I just have a hard time accepting self-centered idiots.

I could have become a statistic: 1 gay male in 3 has made a suicide attempt at some point in his life. In comparison, less than 1 straight guy in 20 has done so. Violence could have happened, too. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine who works in a gay bar put posters up to remind people to be careful in the Village, because a few people have been recently beaten up there for being queer. I steer clear of places like Jamaica – notorious for its homophobic violence – and Iran (President Ahmadinejad boasts they don’t have gays there – they hang them). My life is valuable enough in my eyes to protect it – I’m going to be a famous queer sci-fi Quebecois writer someday, and it’d be nice if the honor was not posthumous.

Obviously, I don’t spend my days dodging threats to my life – except when I’m biking, of course. The threat of homophobia rarely comes to the foreground. But it’s there. Sometimes, I wonder at the restaurant if I should say “my friend” instead of “my boyfriend” to the waiter – after all, he could spit in the fags’ dish when we’re not looking. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m being too bold when I hold my boyfriend’s hand in the street – I occasionally look over my shoulder, just to be on the safe side.

I said that being queer is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It is. In the end, it made me brave. It made me cherish how different and unique I am, how I belong to something special. It has led me off the beaten path, let me see secrets beyond the seeming normalcy of people’s lives. I have bonded in friendship with other males to an extent that most straight guys will never experience. And as I said, men are just yummy.

Still, sometimes, it’s not easy being queer.

De l’éducation sexuelle à 12-13 ans

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Hier matin, je faisais une intervention pour le GRIS-Montréal (un organisme qui fait de la démystification de l’homosexualité) dans une classe d’élèves de 12 ou 13 ans qui s’est transformée en atelier improvisé d’éducation sexuelle. Voici quelques questions qui sont survenues (en ordre chronologique, pour montrer l’évolution de la conversation):

  • Comment deux hommes ou deux femmes font-ils l’amour (question semi-fréquente dans les ateliers du GRIS)?
  • Si on couche avec une fille (la question fut posée par un garçon), est-ce qu’on est obligé d’aller jusqu’au bout?
  • Est-ce qu’on fait une prise de sang pour tester les ITS?
  • Si on prend une prise de sang [pour une autre raison qu’un test du VIH], est-ce que la prise de sang va dire si on a le sida ou non?
  • Est-ce que c’est vrai que le condom ne protège pas bien contre le sida (Benoit XVI, je t’adore…)?

Quand nous faisons des interventions du GRIS dans une classe de secondaire 1 (nous rencontrons habituellement des jeunes plus vieux), il arrive fréquemment que plusieurs questions de base sur la sexualité surgissent. Il faut aussi se rappeler que de 12 à 13% des jeunes ont eu leur première relation sexuelles avec pénétration avant l’âge de 14 ou 15 ans (d’après une étude de 2005 publiée sur Statistique Canada). Je ne souhaite pas inquiéter personne avec cette statistique: il y a toujours eu et il y aura toujours des jeunes qui explorent leur sexualité plus tôt que les autres. Néanmoins, tout ceci c’est un rappel que c’est une erreur d’attendre au deuxième cycle du secondaire avant d’aborder des sujets comme les premières relations sexuelles, le consentement et la communication, la prévention des ITS et des grossesses non-planifiées, et le plaisir.

Ten things you didn’t know about orgasm

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Here is a link to a video of Mary Roach’s conference on “10 things you didn’t know about orgasm” on TED Talks. She’s a very funny speaker, and a lot of her tidbits are about little-known science facts concerning orgasm. This is for the sex geek in every one of us. ;)

The video is in English, but English subtitles are available.

The TED Talks are a series of very interesting and accessible conferences about natural and social sciences. If you have the time, browse around their website – it’s definitely worth it.

Mary Roach: 10 things you didn’t know about orgasm (on TED Talks)

are you 13-18? fill out this sex ed survey!

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hey sense supporters, check out this cool project that you can help with!

The Sexual Health Education and Pleasure Project (SHEPP) is a new group of people who are working to change the way we do sex education – be less boring and try and meet you where you are at with stuff. We want to go beyond the same things we usually hear about in health class (like periods and sexually transmitted infections) and start talking about what can actually feel good for us, and we’ll keep pushing the envelope that-a-way!

So in order to do this, we need to hear from you! We have created this online survey we would like you to fill out to make sure we are doing this right and creating workshops that you might actually consider going to or think should happen. You know, asking your opinion first because it really matters!

It’s anonymous – so no one will know it’s you. And there are three chances to win $25 iTunes gift certificates at the end.

To fill out the survey, go to: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=TN0CjP4nSjMopppDnMDd1w_3d_3d and just follow the instructions!

You can e-mail SHEPP at shepptoronto@gmail.com or check out their facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=59641533471&ref=ts