Posts Tagged ‘penetration’

Ask Anything: Seal


How to break seal of a girl??

This is a question that we often get in classroom workshops, and it’s great that we got this as a web question because there are a lot of myths circulating about this topic.

I’m assuming that by “seal,” you’re referring to the hymen, which is a membrane surrounding the vaginal opening. This membrane tends to wear out as one gets older, through day-to-day activities like walking, playing sports, horseback riding, or masturbation, all of which can reduce the size or consistency of the hymen. To make sure that you have a good visual, in a vast majority of cases, hymens are not like a glass window that has to be broken, but more like a donut or a large spider web.

So, by the time somebody with a vagina decides to have (vaginal) penetrative sex for the first time there are often already openings in their hymen. We often attribute the bleeding during first vaginal penetration to the “breakage” of the hymen, and that’s often what we mean when we say someone has “lost their virginity”. However, the hymen is not the seal of virginity. More often than not, the cause of bleeding during the first penetration(s) is less the hymen itself and more other factors like stress and/or not knowing yet what works for your body. This combination will probably make your body tense and your vagina less lubricated, which can make penetration harder or more painful, and could cause some bleeding. Some ways to counter this would be by letting yourself take your time and figure out what feels right for you, communicating openly with your partner(s) about the process, and having plenty of lube on hand to use…and even after your first few times, lube can be one of your best partners whenever you’re having sex. You can always get safer sex supplies, including lube, for free at Head & Hands!



Me too!

Me too!

While this video is heterosexist because it assumes that all women enjoy penises and that only women enjoy penises, it still confirms part of what Hugo Vaillancourt shares on p.234 of our amazing Peer Education Manual. Are you big enough? See for yourself…

Am I Big Enough?

By Hugo Vaillancourt

When it comes to penis size, “size doesn’t matter” is the politically correct mantra constantly repeated over and over. Yet, “size doesn’t matter” should be recognized for what it really is: a well-meaning lie and an attempt to avoid the delicate matter at hand. Let’s face it: if you’re a guy, you’ve probably wondered if you were big enough at some point in your life. If penis size wasn’t such a chief concern among males, you would be getting much less obnoxious spam in your e-mail box. So penis size does matter to an awful lot of people.

We live in a society that has eroticized huge penises. There are very few male porn actors or models who have a smaller or even average-sized penis – and for us young men, porn can sometimes be the only measure of comparison. However, porn is misleading: It’s intended to be fantasy, it doesn’t represent reality and it’s chock-full of stereotypes.

Here are the cold, hard facts. Most erect penises measure between 12 and 17 centimetres in length (between 5 and 7 inches approximately) and 4 cm in diameter (one inch and a half) at the widest portion. The size of a flaccid (soft) penis is not proportional to its size in erection; actually, penises that are longer when flaccid expand much less in erection than smaller soft penises. Penis size is completely unconnected to the size of other body parts: big hands and big feet do not mean a big dick. Finally, a teenager’s penis usually takes a few years to fully develop; if you haven’t hit 16, or even 17-18 years old, odds are that you still have some growing up to do below the belt.

Some people do like bigger penises: they enjoy having a handful, or they get more stimulation out of being penetrated by it (in this regard, girth – thickness – seems to make more of a difference than length). However, there are disadvantages to being “large”. It can make vaginal or anal penetration more difficult, even painful; just like penises, body openings also come in larger or smaller sizes which may not be compatible with a large penis. Big penises can also be intimidating to some people.

On the other hand, having a smaller penis can be reassuring to your partner and make penetration much easier.Small penises can also be sucked quite effortlessly for a long time, which is a bonus for both you and your partner, something that doesn’t go even for average-sized penises (unless you have a really big mouth). Finally, penis size makes no physical difference to the pleasure its owner gets out of it.

Yet, even though the size of your penis can impact your sexual activities, there are so many more things that are important to having a fulfilling sex life. Chemistry and an openness to communicate with your partner. Imagination, creativity and sensuality. Daring tongues and fingers. Enthusiasm and shamelessness. In a sexual relationship without these things, even a foot-long banana will not prevent the relationship from being dull, mechanical and routine. After all, the brain is the Number One sex organ. That, and maybe the heart.



Safety_hugo says:

Virginity sounds like a simple matter to a lot of people. It usually implies having never had penetrative sex, but it can get tricky quickly.

What if two guys have sex together for years but never do penetration, because that’s not their thing – are they virgins?

What if two women have sex together for years, never doing penetration – are they virgins? What if they start using sex toys for penetration?

What if a woman does penis-anus penetration with her partner, but no penis-vagina sex to protect her hymen, is she still a virgin?

Virginity is a label. You decide if it applies to you or not. What becomes an issue is when people are treated poorly because of their sexual experience, or lack of thereof. Or when people feel they’ve wasted something important if they end up having a mediocre first sexual experience (for whatever reason). There’s a good chance that your first time will be less than 0.1% of your sex life, yet people put so much emphasis on it. The first sexual experience that really matters is the first one you truly enjoy.

What matters is whether you are enjoying what you are doing with your partner or not, and whether you want to explore other aspects of your sexuality. People can judge you on what you have done or not, but that shouldn’t be.