Posts Tagged ‘Pleasure’

Ask Anything: Squirt Versus Urine

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When I masturbate with a showerhead, I squirt. Is that urine or real squirting? It’s never yellow.

Masturbation with a showerhead is a great thing, but in the case of your question it complicates my answer! I’m assuming that you’re masturbating with the water spray, which means there’s a lot of water involved, all around your body and possibly inside your vagina. This makes it harder to distinguish the color, consistency, and quantity of liquid that comes out of your body when you masturbate.

 What I can say is that typically people don’t (involuntarily) pee when they’re having sex alone or with somebody else. Here are some things to consider in your personal investigation of the ejaculate-versus-urine question: Often, before squirting you can feel a tingling sensation similar to what you feel when you’re about to pee…but you won’t pee. If you keep going beyond that tingling sensation and ejaculate, try to find a way to look at the liquid that comes out. That’s where the shower context makes it hard investigate. In any case, the ejaculate liquid shouldn’t smell like pee; it’s more likely to be fragrance free or to smell like your vaginal fluid when you’re aroused. As for consistency, it’s closer to water and vaginal fluid than male ejaculate; it’s more liquid. Finally, the color should be on the scale of clear to white rather than yellow like urine. Good luck with your investigation!

ask anything: orgasms, pleasure and more ‘first times’

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A couple of questions related to sex and pleasure, answered by our resident sexology stagiaire, Gabrielle!

Q: How many orgasms can you have in a day?

There aren’t any real limits to how many orgasms you can experience in a day.

But…

Different people have different “recovery periods” between orgasms – basically, the time it takes for blood to flow back to those areas that it just rushed out of. Usually female-bodied people are more disposed to get more orgasms or multiple orgasms than male-bodied people. That distinction comes from the fact that male-bodied people have a recovery period that’s longer and different than for female-bodied people – it’s the period after an ejaculation where you can’t get another erection. Female-bodied people also have that recovery period after an orgasm, but it can be shorter or non-existent in some cases. Other factors like stress, mental and physical health, confidence or trust between partners, drug or alcohol use, your age, etc… can have an impact on your capacity to have an orgasm, and by default, many orgasms. Sometimes, focusing on the number of orgasms you are having or trying to achieve orgasm can prevent you from actually “getting there”, because your mind and body are too preoccupied! Just keep in mind that having an orgasm is not the ultimate goal of sexual activity, so the number of orgasms that you have doesn’t qualify the quality of your sexual activity.

Q: My first time with my girl friend, I didn’t last very long, and I think she was disappointed. What can I do?

We say this all the time, but the basic thing in any relationship is communication. If you want to be sure that you’re on the same page as your partner and you really want to know what they’re thinking, you should start a conversation with them. We can stress for a long time about what the other person is thinking, when there might be nothing going on. If you feel like your girlfriend might believe that you didn’t last very long, it might be a good idea to address it with her, instead of letting these feelings grow in the background of your relationship.

I also think that the notion of lasting very long is pretty subjective: how long a person can and should keep an erection is different from one person to another. Usually, our expectations are very high, because we think that sex should be a certain perfect way. (more…)

Ask anything: First-timers

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We are still getting more and more questions in our “Ask Anything” question box to the right! –> Sense volunteer Liam tackled today’s question…

Q: My boyfriend and I are planning our first time. I’ve been looking into birth control and trying to figure out which one will be best, but besides that, we’re both virgins and neither of us really know what to expect. I want this to be special. Advice?

After much time spent dwelling on what I would say to two people about to have sex for the first time, I was able to narrow my characteristic longwindedness down to 3 topics: Communication/Consent; Safer Sex/Birth Control; Pleasure.

–Communication/Consent—

Communicating about sex is really a win-win: you can make sure that your partner is consenting and into it as well as maximize the pleasure of everybody involved. From a super practical standpoint, communicating might look like saying things along the lines of “is it cool if I take off your pants”, “oh my god, what you just did felt amazing”, “Could you go a little slower”, “Stop for a second, I need a break”, or seriously a bazillion other things. I generally shy away from making sweeping generalizations BUT sex will probably be better if you know that your partner is listening and responding to you and would stop as soon you asked. To make communicating easier, some people like to use code words that you and your partner can come up with beforehand. A really common set is the traffic light system where ‘green’ means everything is fantastic, ‘yellow’ means turn it down a bit, and ‘red’ means stop immediately. Coming up with code words can also be a helpful way to start a conversation about sex, consent, and boundaries with your partner.

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Ask anything: sex and pleasure

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Sydney, Sense animator extraordinaire, makes another guest appearance to answer your anonymous questions! Thanks, Sydney!

Q: How do I give more enjoyment to my husband?

First off, I want to say that your enjoyment is just as important to this equation as your husband’s. Everyone has a sex drive and everyone has the right to experience pleasure. Sex is best when both people are into it!

Secondly, I must say that there’s no one (or even two or three) answer(s) to this. My main suggestion would be to communicate! Spend some time thinking about what sex acts turn you on and what you’re comfortable doing. Brainstorm a few ideas about what might be enjoyable for you and your husband. Think about your fantasies and what you want out of sex. Then sit down with your husband over coffee or a glass of wine or a meal or whatever. Tell him your fantasies. Ask him what his are. Discuss ways to make them a reality. If things get awkward or uncomfortable, maybe take a break. Be prepared to give him some time to do some thinking as well and then set a time in the near future that works for both of you to come back and talk about things.

As far as detailed suggestions about different things you can try and how to go about doing them, there are way too many options to discuss here. Internet research can be helpful, but remember to take everything you read there with a grain of salt. There’s a great – and quite detailed! – article over on Scarleteen that describes the anatomy of pleasure and which of our body parts can make us feel really good! There are also a lot of great books out there that you can find at many bookstores or even the library sometimes. My favorite is The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. It talks about a wide range of topics related to sex, offers tips on how to make each sex act more enjoyable for both people, and is a super easy and fun read. There’s something in it for everyone, regardless of gender, sexuality, and sexual preferences.

Keep in mind that the idea of what “good sex” is is different for everyone. Also, you and/or your husband may be into one thing one night and a totally different thing the next. Communication is an ongoing process. Keep talking with each other in different ways and different times. Some of the best discussions happen when you’re not in bed, but offering suggestions and checking in with the other person are also important before, during, and after sex. As a general rule, the more you talk about it, the more comfortable you will be and the better the sex will be.


Ask anything: squirting + the g-spot

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Another guest appearance to answer your anonymous questions on the blog!  This time, Sydney, Sense animator extraordinaire, gives you the low-down on squirting (a.k.a. “female ejaculation”)…

Q: how can my man make me squirt?

First off, not all vag’s squirt. As a matter of fact, most don’t, but a fair number do and it’s definitely worth a shot! Squirting, when it does happen, is all about stimulating the g-spot in a specific way. Keep in mind, though, that squirting is not the be-all and end-all of pleasure. Approaching it as a hurdle that needs to be overcome will also make it even more unlikely, since being comfortable and turned on is key to any sexual encounter.

So let’s get down to it. First stop – the bathroom. G-spot stimulation and orgasms can be kind of uncomfortable with a full bladder, and right before ejaculation you’ll almost always feel a like you have to pee, which is normal. Second – you may want to lay down a towel or plastic sheet. Some squirters will dribble out a couple of teaspoons of thin clear liquid. Some people will produce some major spray.
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In the Land of Condoms…

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While you should know that female condoms exist; today, I want to talk about male condoms. Why? Well, if we’re talking about pleasure, we should also be talking about safety.

A few key points about male condoms:

  1. Most condoms are made of latex. Only water-based lubes can be used with latex and latex also happens to prevent all sperm, bacteria and viruses from passing through it.
  2. Male condoms can also be made out of polyurethane. Therefore, if you or your partner is allergic to latex, this is a good option. And, they can be used with both water and oil based lubes.
  3. Lambskin condoms exist; but, the pores are too big to prevent the transmission of some viruses. Bottom line is…You can use them to prevent pregnancy but not for safer sex. Actually, you should always read labels closely to see if your condoms will protect you from STIs.
  4. Condoms come in a variety of shapes and sizes because not all penises are the same shape or size.
  5. Condoms come in many flavours which is great for oral sex.
  6. Do not wear two condoms at the same time!
  7. Protect your condoms since you never know when you’ll get lucky. So, don’t stick them in your wallet or keep them loose in your pockets (yup, they can get damaged that way). You could put them in a plastic cigarette case, which you can buy at the dollar store to prevent damage. Always store your condoms in a cool dry place.
  8. Be proud, not embarrassed, when you purchase condoms!
  9. You can get free condoms at places like Head and Hands, the ACCM, schools and many other community health service providers.
  10. For more info and for a very detailed 6 step guide on how to use a male condom, please download our Peer Education Manual and see pages 94 to 97.

Midwest Teen Sex Show on condoms:

Fun condom ad by AIDES:

SEX TOYS (Part II: Toys with Partners, Unique Toys & Health Concerns)

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While some people might associate sex toys primarily with masturbation, rest assured that using them with partners can be just as awesome. Check out these videos for more info:

Using Toys with Partners:

Unique Sex Toys and Health Concerns:

Woman-friendly Canadian Sex Stores:

JoyToyz

Venus Envy

Come As You Are

Good For Her

SEX TOYS (Part I: Vibrators, Dildos, Lube & Toys for Boys!!!)

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Sex toys are a lot of fun! They can be made of glass, plastic, rubber or silicone and are designed to bring people to orgasm, or enhance people’s experience of their bodies during sex. Some vibrate, some go inside the body, and some strap to your body (like strap-on dildos), etc.

Wanna know more? Check out these fun videos:

Vibrators!!!

Dildos & Lube!!!

Toys for Boys!!!

Backdoor Business: A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Sex

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Here’s an awesome video created by the Midwest Teen Sex Show that talks about anal sex. If you want additional info, please check out our Peer Education Manual (pp.152-154).

So, the “bottom” line is:

-Respect the rectum (i.e. never insert anything in the anus that doesn’t have a flared base to prevent it from slipping up into the rectum and beyond, poop before (if necessary), make sure whatever you use for penetration is clean and be safe).

-Proceed slowly and use lots of lube (i.e. use water-based lubricant and massage the area…You know, work with the rectum).

-Don’t double dip! (i.e. anything that goes into the anus should be cleaned or given a new condom before it goes anywhere else)

-Try different positions and have fun!